5 Responses

  1. Brett Nielson
    Brett Nielson October 21, 2014 at 6:44 am |

    As a man I cringe reading this. I know this a blog for women, but I want all to know that good men abhor abuse of any type. Bless you for telling my sisters the truth.

  2. Driel
    Driel October 23, 2014 at 4:03 pm |

    Thank you for your insights. My sister has been in an abusive LDS marriage for 17 years. Your blog helps me to understand a little better. Thank you!

  3. Sondra T.
    Sondra T. January 18, 2015 at 1:29 am |

    Being a married woman I understand the ideas presented in this post, but I think it is wise to mention how I learned that not every request my husband asks of me is an attempt to control/abuse me. I fell into that trap repeatedly for the first few years of my marriage. It took a marriage counselor to point out to me that a partnership requires give-and-take – and I had asked a LOT of my husband but usually considered his requests as something negative, no matter the ease or difficulty for me.
    I often found myself “fighting” under the idea that a man (my husband) might someday try to control me – and I was destroying my marriage by making everything contentious. Things are better for both of us now that we both understand my feelings, and I try to make sure I’m not overly-vigilant, and usually I’m on it. I admit I’m something of a feminist, and like any ideology, I’ve learned it can be dangerous to let any one thing dominate my life.
    Also, from the LDS perspective mentioned, it is very easy for a woman to exercise unrighteous dominion in every form – just as easy as it is for a man, maybe moreso in some ways. My female LDS counselor helped me understand that my attitude about MY requests (mentioned above) vs. HIS requests sounded a lot like a “princess” attitude – I felt it was my right to require things of him (because I’m his wife, and a woman), but I had the regal prerogative to determine whether his requests were worthy of consideration or not… I guess the lesson in this is being moderate in all things – including requests from the hubby.
    I don’t mean to detract from the post with all of this – I guess what I’m getting at is that we need to be sure that we really have an intentional abuser (someone who really does intend to hurt you as described above) before hopping in the military mode and blasting away. Even putting up the defenses can be the exact wrong and most harmful attempt at a solution if you’re being stubborn/prideful like I was (all the while thinking I was humble). I admit your story about how “he” liked torturing animals is probably a creepy dead-givaway. My husband loves animals and is a softie for bugs even – he uses the flyswatter as a last resort only if I beg him to (:

  4. Reality
    Reality April 25, 2015 at 1:26 pm |

    There’s something too simplistic about this post. As Christians we are Expected to submit our will to God’s. That’s not evil. We are supposed to worry about the consequences of our actions until we get to the point where we act perfectly every time.
    To say a partner in a marriage is being abused if they consider their partner’s reactions and feelings is simply dishonest. What partner in a business would be right to not consider her partner’s expectations, and the expectations of other stakeholders, as part of making a decision? Yes, that includes reactions even. Life is NOT about freedom at all costs. Marriage certainly isn’t either. Let’s not get too simplistic on something so important. I think Sondra T. was at least partly speaking to that.

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